There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
