Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
