hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
