wakey wakey hands off snakey
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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