2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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