I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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