Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
