I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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