I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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