well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
