The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
