I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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