I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
