dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
