i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
