So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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