i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
