Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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