you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
