the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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