oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
