the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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