I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
