Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
