Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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