This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
