so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
