Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
