I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
