just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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