Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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