It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wanna passion pit in your ass
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
