I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
