youre lurking in front of me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
