Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
