I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
