I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
