the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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