i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
