Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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