Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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