Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
