it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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