Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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