either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
