Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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