Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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