Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
