I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
