pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
