More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
