I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
