i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
