New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
