My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
