Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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